


put your arms around me (i need you)

by zekewastaken



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Minnie Nicha Yontararak is a Sweetheart, Panic Attacks, Soft MinQi for designated soft hours, Song Yuqi Needs a Hug, i'm so bad at emotions i swear, no heavy angst, they're kinda girlfriends but it's not really established
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:42:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zekewastaken/pseuds/zekewastaken
Summary: The whole world shouldn’t know about the real Song Yuqi—vulnerable and weak behind her “Sunshine” façade. A coward, and a worthless little crybaby when no one’s looking.ORYuqi has a panic attack, and Minnie is there to help her through it.
Relationships: Song Yuqi/Minnie Nicha Yontararak
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	put your arms around me (i need you)

**Author's Note:**

> The saga of **Zeke trying to hurt the maknae line** continues. Someone pls stop me.
> 
> Loosely based on (G)I-DLE's _"Uh-Oh"_ performance during the 9th Gaon Chart Music Awards last January, with someone in the comments mentioning how shaky the girls' voices were. Especially Yuqi's, so I kinda used it as a basis for this fic.

_“You're losing sight_ _  
You're losing touch  
All these little things seem to matter so much  
That they confuse you  
That I might lose you”_

**— Here Comes a Thought (Steven Universe)**

by Estelle & AJ Michalka

Before they hit the stage, Yuqi’s fears are usually amplified. She doesn’t _always_ have a panic attack, but there’s a weighing pressure on her chest that makes it harder to breathe. Followed by a surge of overwhelming panic, which felt like she was gradually losing control of herself.

No matter the size of the crowd, or how much they’ve practiced for days on end, it’s always _there_ — the unbearable dread that something is going to happen, lingering in her closed-off mind and poisoning it with bad thoughts. Like a demon whispering in her ear and telling Yuqi that she’s going to fail. That her talent isn’t up to par with the rest of her group, and that she’ll mess up and throw off their routine. The entire performance would be ruined, and both the fans and her own members will hate her for it.

_Never let your emotions get in the way of your career._

Yuqi often reminds herself in these moments, when she feels like spiraling down and everything becomes _too much._ Too overwhelming for her to comprehend all at once as they start crashing down on her like a fucking tsunami.

Tonight, they’re performing at a music awards show with a line of other idol groups and soloists. It’s a fairly large venue with plenty of room to fit in the thousands of fans all huddled together, screaming out fan-chants while swinging their light sticks around in the darkened stadium. The multitude of colors being clashed in her line of vision was enough to make Yuqi feel sick, but she forces it down with a hard gulp

As if the huge crowd wasn’t enough to peak her anxiety, her group would also be performing in front of their sunbaes and hoobaes. Great, just peachy. Now there’s that irrational need to fulfill everyone’s silent expectations, which may or may not even exist in the first place.

That being said, Yuqi can’t screw this up. Not when this many eyes would be trained on her, watching her every move and judging her worth as both a lead dancer and a vocalist.

_I can do this._

She messes up almost instantly.

Although her dance steps were in smooth coordination with the rest of her members, her voice grew shaky and could be heard throughout the whole stadium. Normally, it was quite stable. But now, it began to fluctuate as soon as she sang her first verse. And it stayed that way until the end of their song, with Yuqi forcing a wavering smile on her face in spite of the slight trembling on the corners of her lips.

They’re in the backstage when she feels it—a shifting in her brain, or her heart, and she’s suddenly disconnected from everything. Her breathing clogs up in her lungs as her hearing fades, the cheers of the crowd and the voice of the MC speaking distilled to a garbled noise in her head.

_Shit._

She _needs_ to leave. To go somewhere private and just curl into a little ball, to get away from all these goddamn people who are now looking at her with so much concern in their questioning eyes.

Yuqi doesn’t need that. She doesn’t need their stupid pity.

The Han girl swallows dryly and quickly departs from her groupmates, each step becoming more and more unsteady, as she blinked away the growing onslaught of tears that were clouding her vision. No way in Hell is Yuqi going to break down and cry in front of all these people.

Finally, she reaches the wall at the vacant side of the place and braced her hand onto it for support. Her fingers almost slipped, unfeeling against the cold, black surface, as she lurched forward, but managed to keep her footing at the last second. Her feet wanted to give out. Dead in her leather boots with her palms sweating as they shook uncontrollably.

This attack is the worst that Yuqi’s had in months. She wonders fleetingly if maybe she’s dying. And that, if maybe, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

There’s a small room near the back, a bit cramped from the instrument cases and stage equipment lying around, but Yuqi is just thankful to find it empty. She staggers in after shouldering the door aside, kicking her heel back to close it so that no one can stumble inside and find her mid-breakdown.

The whole world shouldn’t know about the real Song Yuqi—vulnerable and weak behind her _“Sunshine”_ façade. A coward, and a worthless little crybaby when no one’s looking.

She trips over her feet again as she makes her way to the far corner, where she promptly pressed her back against it before sliding down to the floor. Curling up into a fetal position as she sat on the dusty tiles, not caring if they dirtied her skirt, and hugged her legs to her chest. Her entire body is numb, save for the rapid pounding of her heart and the growing tightness in her throat.

Yuqi rests her temple on the wall to her right, drawing in a long, frail breath into her lungs and sighing heavily. She needs to calm down. They’ll have to go back on stage soon to join the other attendees, and they can’t do that without her—irrelevant as she may be—so she can’t be freaking out like this. The group’s image is far too important than her own well-being.

Far away from home, (G)I-DLE is the closest thing to a family she’s ever had since coming to South Korea. The least she can do now is to suck it up for _their_ sake.

Her eyes are closed once the first tear falls, burning a trail down her flushed cheek, which she angrily wipes it off before slamming her fist against the wall in frustration. Yuqi knows that it should hurt. The force was almost enough to make her fingers swell up, or maybe even bruise them—but she doesn’t _feel_ it. And so, she keeps going. Pummeling the wall until her knuckles are throbbing red, and the tears continue to fall down her face.

Eventually, she gives up and chokes on her muted sobs. Not caring about her aching hand as she just curls up again with her legs pressed to her front, folding her arms on her knees and crying into the thin, black sleeves of her crop top.

“… Yuqi?”

Oh, fuck.

No. No, no no. Not now. _Please—_

“What are you doing in here?”

_—just leave me alone._

Yuqi’s head snaps up so fast, that the back of it nearly smacks against the wall behind her. She blinks a few times while fighting a wave of dizziness in her skull, willing her vision to clear up so she can see who it is (and maybe tell them to screw off, but _politely_ ).

When the silhouette finally comes into her focus, she sighs in a mix of temporary relief and dull annoyance. Minnie has found her.

“G-Go away, unnie.” The Han girl croaks, flinching at how painfully hoarse her voice sounds, before resting her head again. Had she been shouting? Yuqi didn’t think so, but she isn’t sure of anything right now. The idea that she could’ve been screaming without actually knowing it served to fuel her panic even more.

Wouldn’t it be fucking wonderful if she had made her voice even shitter than it already was?

(Oh, man. Yuqi can already imagine all the comments talking about her unstable vocals once their performance video gets posted.)

Minnie then shifts a little, tentative and uncertain, before glancing over her shoulder at the door that’s slightly ajar. And for a moment, Yuqi was certain that the Thai might actually leave—which scared her more than she expected. Or cared to admit out loud.

However, Minnie moves carefully across the room. Her boots falling dully on the carpet nearby as her pace slowed with each step, until she stops a few strides from the broken girl in front of her.

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly. Her voice wasn’t hurtful or demeaning, but worried. Very worried.

Yuqi looks up once more, her puffy, tear-worn eyes meeting Minnie’s gentle ones, and any thoughts of telling her unnie to scat just slips away immediately. She _tries_ to breathe, but the grip of panic has gotten even worse and she ends up coughing, choking on her own breath as her throat closed up.

“No…” She finally admits through a feeble squeak, her body trembling in shame and fragility.

Minnie is beside her in an instant, sitting on the floor so that she can pull Yuqi onto her lap and hold the girl’s head to her chest. Yuqi tenses at this, every muscle going rigid and every nerve screaming at her to pull away.

This… This is too close. She’s not used to being held, not used to being comforted—since she’s normally the one who gives and not receives. And yet, when Yuqi is about to pull away, Minnie’s hand starts rubbing slow, steady circles on her back. A gesture that’s simple on its own, but was enough to make Yuqi collapse against her. Numb fingers fumbled at the fabric of Minnie’s tube top, trying to grip and hold on, as if the Thai was the only thing between her and the raw oblivion of anxiety.

“Minnie-unnie…” She whimpers, burying her face against Minnie’s chest as her smaller form racked with silent sobs. Hands clutching onto Minnie desperately, with legs locked around her waist to keep Yuqi there.

“Shhh, it’s okay… I’m here for you now.”

The older girl shushes her gently, her warm breath breezing over Yuqi’s chestnut hair as she continues to rub the latter’s back. Her hand never ceasing in its tender movements.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? Please?”

Minnie’s voice is a little more than a whisper this time, and Yuqi shakes her head. The action smearing tears and sweat on Minnie’s (fortunately) dark top. She attempts to say something, anything, but the words get lodged in her throat, where they transform into a low, wailing whine. Minnie pauses, unsure if she should probe any further, but ultimately decides that getting her dongsaeng to talk it out would probably be for the best. Who knows how long Yuqi has been bottling this up without any of them realizing it?

“Yuqi-ah…” She whispers softly, placing a feather-light kiss on the crown of her head. “Relax, I got you. Everything’s going to be okay, just… breathe for me. Can you do that?”

Yuqi gives her a nod before taking in another shaky breath and coughing as she does it. Her mouth opens slightly, her lips moving to form soundless words, until she manages to get something out. Her voice coming off hollow and defeated. “I can’t take this anymore, unnie…”

“Yes, you can.” Minnie encouraged, holding the Han girl closer as she tightens her embrace. “You’re just having an attack.”

Her head is promptly thrown back, widened eyes blazing in shock as she pushes away to meet Minnie’s non-judgmental gaze, and her voice regains some of its usual strength. “H-How… How do you know about that?”

“The girls told me you’ve been having panic attacks before going on shows. They’re in the changing room right now, but Soyeon told me to go check on you. She’ll just explain to the manager what happened if ever he asks.” Minnie tells her in a soft, soothing tone, which alleviates some of the tension in Yuqi’s shoulders.

“Oh.”

A light, uneven blush dusted the high points of the younger’s pale cheeks as she looks elsewhere, her eyes focusing blankly on a pair of old speakers propped by a large rack.

“Hey…” Minnie pulls Yuqi close again, and she sags against her immediately. Her body is still quivering, but her sobs have at least slowed down to a tad. So, she doesn’t sound _too_ pathetic. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I just—I can’t do this…” Yuqi sniffled, mumbling into Minnie’s top as she rubbed an eye with a trembling hand.

“Can’t do what?” The Thai resumes her caresses while carefully wiping the stray tears off Yuqi’s eyelashes.

“Sing, be in the group… I can dance, but…” She pauses then, fists clenching against Minnie’s back as manicured nails (Yuqi really wanted to chew on them sometimes) bit into the flesh of her palms. “Fuck, you heard me earlier. My voice just wasn’t _good_ enough _…_ It, it was shaky. Everyone out there heard it, and I probably ruined our entire stage because I couldn’t grow a fucking pair even after two years of being an idol. I have no excuse to act this way, unnie… We’re _not_ rookies anymore.”

Now it’s Minnie’s turn to be angry. Not at Yuqi, of course—but rather the mere thought that she thinks so poorly of herself. Like she doesn’t deserve to be in the spotlight with them after years of hard-work and dedication, of countless nights spent working herself to the bone as she stayed up late just to practice. Just to prove that she’s worthy to debut with the rest of the girls.

And even after all that, Yuqi has the audacity to think she’s inadequate? No, Minnie won’t let her.

Reigning in her frustration with a sharp breath, she grasps Yuqi’s chin with the fingers of one hand and gently tilts the girl’s face to look at her. Staring into those sorrowful eyes as she said, “Bullshit.”

Before Yuqi can possibly argue back, Minnie’s lips are covering hers. Sweet, affectionate, and just filled with so much _care._ So different from the last kiss they shared, because she can feel the reassurance and comfort that came with it, grounding her from the whirlwind of her emotions that raged in her mind. Suddenly, her senses become overridden with Minnie and Minnie only—the softness of her plush, rouge lips, the scent of her centifolia and rose perfume, the smoothness of her fingers as they brushed along the skin of her nape, and the warmth of her hand curling around it to deepen their contact.

Yuqi doesn’t do anything really, except melt under the lips moving tenderly against hers as she clung onto Minnie’s shoulders. How could the older girl make everything seem okay with just a kiss?

When Minnie retracts from her, Yuqi doesn’t know what to say. But she didn’t have to, since Minnie started speaking again and her fried brain is working furiously to keep up.

“Don’t ever say anything like that again.” Minnie’s voice retains its softness, not commanding or domineering, but still leaving no room for argument. She cups a hand on Yuqi’s cheek and fondly strokes the skin there with a thumb.

“Yuqi, this is going to sound super cheesy… but you have such a unique vocal tone. Why do you think they put you as a lead vocalist? Not a lot of people have a deep voice like yours, and it’s raw and beautiful. Especially when we sing ballads, or anything with an emotional depth to them. But I also love how well it blends together with mine, like a perfect synchrony. Remember that time in Idol Room when we sang _Scared to Be Lonely_? Everyone loved it, Nevies included.”

She reminds her while still maintaining their eye-contact, different shades of brown drowning in each other.

“So, maybe you’re not satisfied with tonight’s performance. But if you ask me, I think you did really well… and I’m so _proud_ of you. I’m sure the girls, the staff, and our fans would agree wholeheartedly. Because we know you’re committed to working hard and putting on a good show, and I think that deserves its own recognition.”

The utmost sincerity in her words left Yuqi speechless.

What can you say to all that? What can you say to the girl who just kissed you, and then given you the biggest compliment you’ve ever received? Giving it like it were common knowledge, a fact that cannot be refuted? Like the whole universe knew it, and she was just being paranoid.

“Thanks, unnie… I really needed to hear that.” Yuqi murmurs as she rests her head against Minnie’s chest again, seeking out her heartbeats like a source of comfort for her. To calm her down as she relaxed completely, the storm in her mind receding until she hardly even registers the fact that her panic is gone. Melted away by the ever-caring Minnie still holding her in her arms. Now there’s only this strange feeling that Yuqi can’t quite define, but she’ll get back to it later.

For now, she just wants to be with her unnie. Her kind, loving unnie. 

“We should get going soon.” Minnie pipes up after what seemed like a couple minutes of her just humming a soothing tune in Yuqi’s ear while gently swaying them side-to-side, patting the younger’s back and pressing a few kisses on her temple, until she eventually stopped sniffling altogether. “The others must be wondering where we are, and Soyeon’s probably pacing a trench in the floor.”

She cracks a grin at the sound of Yuqi’s throaty laughter. Not as loud and hearty, but still genuine. And that’s more than enough for now.

Yuqi clambers off Minnie’s lap so she could get up, then takes the hand that’s offered to her as the Thai helped her up to her feet. Brushing off the dust from their clothes and ringing out the excess dirt. “Um. Sorry about your top, unnie…” Yuqi trails off, running a hand through her ruffled hair and flashing Minnie an embarrassed look.

The older girl shrugs, before narrowing her eyes at the red blemishes still present on Yuqi’s knuckles.

“Yuqi, your hand…”

A step forward later and she’s grasping her abused hand, rubbing a thumb over the stinging marks with impeccable softness. Yuqi noticed that it was still trembling, but Minnie steadied it with a brief massage on the tendons and the back of her palm. Easing the tense muscles until they loosened up and grew placid in her grip.

“Does it still hurt?” Minnie asked, kissing the scraped knuckles while still kneading shapes onto her hand. Completely oblivious to the raging blush that bloomed across Yuqi’s face as she watched her intently, marveling at the concern there and thinking of how lucky she is to have people like Minnie looking out for her.

“Nah, it feels better now.” Yuqi says before she flexes her fingers. Surprised at how nimble they feel this time, although the numbness is slightly there.

Minnie smiles happily and brings the hand up to her mouth to kiss its knuckles one last time, and Yuqi lets out a small noise of shyness. She’s flustered beyond belief, but just as happy. Choosing to ignore that giddy flutter in her chest when Minnie leaned in to peck her lips, jumping a little as the Thai chuckles amusedly at her adorable reaction.

“Let’s go?” Minnie’s voice is as sweet as ever, and Yuqi couldn’t resist breaking out into a smile of her own as they held hands on the way out. Fingers intertwined to keep them together—at least, until they’re back with the rest of their groupmates.

“Yeah.”


End file.
